God Hears Her Podcast
Episode 19 - Does God Have Someone For Me
Eryn Eddy, Elisa Morgan
[Introduction]
Eryn: I thought that my ex-husband was going to be my “one and only” forever – the
right person. Now when I went through the divorce, I asked that question: Does God
have somebody for me?
But before I asked that question, I actually asked: Does God
love me? Why did this happen to me?
before I even got to that question, Does God
have somebody for me?
[Music]
Woman: You’re listening to God Hears Her
—a podcast for women where we explore
the stunning truth that God hears you, He sees you, and He loves you because you are
His. Find out how these realities free you today on God Hears Her
.
Elisa: Welcome to God Hears Her.
I’m Elisa Morgan.
Eryn: And I’m Eryn Eddy. Does God have someone for me? As someone who’s single,
this is a question I’ve asked myself many times. There are so many shows, podcasts,
radio programs that seem to assume God has someone for everyone. Marriage, having
babies, family life are all presented as the norm and the ideal. And women like me are
left wondering: Does God really have somebody for me?
If so, why won’t He tell me
who he is?
And when seasons of singleness lead to years of singleness, we begin to
wonder if something is wrong with us. And then if you end up with a chance – like I did
godhearsher.org
– and then that marriage falls apart, you begin to wonder if you missed out on your
opportunity at a happy life. Well, today on God Hears Her,
we are going to tackle the
question: Does God have somebody for me?
Elisa: Mm. I’m so thankful for your vulnerability, Eryn. I mean, really, in listening back to
our conversation, I think tons of women can and will be encouraged by your
willingness to share so much of your journey of searching for the right “someone.” And
it’s a journey that’s led you to some surprising conclusions about God, the nature of
relationships. And let it just be said: You’re still single! So this is going to be so helpful.
In fact, that’s where you begin our conversation, by pulling back the blinds on your
own life and letting us see one of the most difficult breakups you’ve experienced. This
is God Hears Her
.
Eryn: So I was dating this guy for five months …
Elisa: Mm-hmm.
Eryn: …And I met his family …
Elisa: That’s a big step…
Eryn: …at Thanksgiving…
Elisa: …That’s a big step!
Eryn: …And I, like, loved his family! I mean they felt like “at home,” you know? And he
came out of nowhere, and me meeting him and then dating him…
godhearsher.org
Elisa: Wow!
Eryn: …and then meeting his family and meeting his…his friends and that he was
meeting my family. He’s meeting my friends. And then he breaks up with me. And he
says, “I just can’t get there.”
Elisa: Can’t get where?
Eryn: That’s what I wanted to know!
Elisa: Yeah.
[Laughter]
Elisa: Yeah.
Eryn: Where are we going? [Giggling]
Elisa: Yeah. [Laughing]
Eryn: …other than meeting your family…
Elisa: Right.
[Laughter]
godhearsher.org
Elisa: [quietly] I just can’t get there…
Eryn: “I ... I just can’t…I can’t get there, Eryn. I can’t.” And I said, “What do you mean
you can’t get there?” He goes like “I just … I can’t. I can’t get to where I think this
relationship needs to go. I can’t get there.”
Elisa: Oh, okay.
Eryn: It made me feel like “I don’t love you.”
Elisa: That’s what you heard?
Eryn: That’s what I heard.
Elisa: “I just can’t get there” equals “I …
Eryn: …I do…
Elisa: …don’t love you.”
Eryn: I don’t love you…
Elisa: Mm.
Eryn: …There’s no future for us. We need to …
[makes a snapping sound] … cut it.
Elisa: Ouch!
godhearsher.org
Eryn: It made me feel so unlovable. And I remember after that phone call … First off, it
was a phone call. So he was in another state …
Elisa: Mm.
Eryn: … and it was before Christmas …
Elisa: Oh. Getting better and better. [Laughter] … Oh my gosh!
Eryn: So it’s five days before Christmas. We were supposed to spend it with my
grandma. And he was out of state, and so I think he was feeling the pressure. Right?
And then … and had to end it before we spent time at Christmas. So anyways … so I
remember getting off the phone, and like I…I think I was shocked. Like What just ha…
what was the last few months of like our relationship? And where did …
Elisa: Right.
Eryn: … What did I miss?
Elisa: Right. Right.
Eryn: Was I…was I present in the relationship
…
Elisa: Yeah. Hello?
godhearsher.org
Eryn: …[Laughing] Right. Was he present?
And so I … I remember I just get in the
shower, and I’m crying. I’m crying so hard that you couldn’t tell the showerhead water
with my tears. I mean I was just so sad. And I was just sitting. I remember sitting on the
shower, just crying, thinking like Am I really that unlovable that someone can’t get there
to love me?
Elisa: Was your major focus: I’m unlovable
? Or I loved him, and I’ve lost him?
Eryn: That’s a great question. I feel like it was both.
Elisa: Okay.
Eryn: Cause I feel like I had tried to love somebody, and no matter how hard I tried to
love them, I kept getting rejected, at the same time not being chosen by them.
Elisa: Okay.
Eryn: So it was like both.
Elisa: Mm-hmm.
Eryn: It was like yes/and. [Laughter]
Elisa: Yeah. Thank you very much.
Eryn: Yes. And so after that happened, you know, five days before Christmas, my
whole family was going out of state, except for my grandma … going out of state to
godhearsher.org
celebrate Christmas. And I didn’t buy my ticket cause I was going to be spending it
with him. So my sister buys me a plane ticket to Santa Fe, New Mexico, three days
before Christmas. So can you imagine that plane ticket …
Elisa: Yeah.
Eryn: …And she says, “You’re not spending …
Elisa: Aw…
Eryn: …Christmas alone.”
Elisa: …what a sweetheart!
Eryn: I know. It was so sweet.
Elisa: Yeah.
Eryn: Get out there, spend time with my family. They are just lovin’ on me, and I’m just,
you know, sad and just like…
Elisa: Mm.
Eryn: …I miss that I’m not spending it with him. Still feel dismantled. Where…where is
‘there’ that we’re supposed to get to? Feeling unlovable. But I’m around the most
loving people right now in my life. So it’s…it was this weird of like grieving, but then
feeling loved. And I was so rocked by it that it made me realize that I don’t see myself
godhearsher.org
the way God sees me. I was seeing myself through the lens of how this person I was
dating sees me. And I was placing so much value on that. But then I asked the
question: Does God have somebody for me?
Elisa: I think everybody asks that question, don’t you, at some point in their life – until
suddenly they’re with somebody, and they assume that must’ve been it, kind of a
thing?
Eryn: Yeah. Why do you think we ask that question?
Elisa: Well, I…I think we’re made for relationship and connection. I think asking Does
God have somebody for me
…eh…is probably the core question of young adulthood.
But it lingers into your whole life, especially if you never get an answer to that.
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: You know, I want to back up for a second here, because you’ve been married…
Eryn: Mm.
Elisa: …before.
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: So when you met and married your husband, did you think God had somebody
for you in him? And how does being divorced now…
godhearsher.org
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: … shape that understanding? Is that someplace you can go?
Eryn: Yeah. Yeah, I’m glad you asked that. When I got married, I did have this belief
that this is my “one and only” forever. This was the right person, the only person,
cause I think that’s what we’re taught maybe. Or like maybe that’s what someone told
us that you have to find the right person. And when you find the right person, then your
life is made of butterflies and, you know, rainbows and fairy tales. [Laughter] And so I
was seventeen …
Elisa: Mm-hmm. Wow!
Eryn: …when I met my ex-husband.
Elisa: Young.
Eryn: I got married at 21. I was a month into being 21, and then we were married for a
little over nine years. So we were together for almost fourteen years. I think that’s
probably why that breakup brought out some things from my marriage…
Elisa: Probably. Yeah.
Eryn: …that I …
Elisa: Yeah.
godhearsher.org
Eryn: … were …uh… false beliefs, or false statements that I was living in.
Elisa: Okay.
Eryn: I thought that my ex-husband was going to be my “one and only” forever, the
right person. So then when I went through the divorce, I asked that question: Does
God have somebody for me? But before I asked that question, I actually asked: Does
God love me? Why did this happen to me?
before I even got to that question, Does
God have somebody for me?
Elisa: Cause it gets really gnarly. I mean I don’t think you’re saying, Eryn, that God has
multiple people, and we can …
Eryn: No.
Elisa: …from relationship to relationship...
Eryn: [laughing] No!
Elisa: …and marriage to marriage and, you know, He wasn’t the right one, so now I’m
gonna go to the next one.
And that wasn’t the right one. Oh, he wasn’t the right one, so
now I’m…
Eryn: No.
Elisa: …I don’t think you’re saying that.
godhearsher.org
Eryn: No. I think what I am learning in this whole journey of being single after being
married is that I just desire to become the right person for me, and seeing myself the
way God sees me, and learning to love myself the way God loves me. I’m on that
journey right now, and I’m not dating. I haven’t dated for …
Elisa: Well…
Eryn: …a year…
Elisa: …what’s that about?
[Laughter]
Eryn: Well, I think that, for me, I was seeking relationships to fill voids that only God
can fill.
Elisa: Okay.
Eryn: …And until I made the commitment to be single, I got to see what those voids
were…
Elisa: Okay. So…
Eryn: …That make sense?
Elisa: …So you’re talking about voids that you …
godhearsher.org
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …began to experience? And you began to recognize them because the guy you
had been dating wasn’t there anymore.
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: What kinds of voids did you identify?
Eryn: um… Self-esteem.
Elisa: Mm-hmm.
Eryn: There’s somebody there to encourage you. Right? Instead of you believing that
about yourself.
Elisa: Right.
Eryn: Like I think we can use people to do that in …
Elisa: Absolutely! Yeah.
Eryn: …instead of knowing it for ourselves and how God sees us. I mean it was how I
saw myself. It was like …um… whether I was pretty enough.
Elisa: Mm-hmm.
godhearsher.org
Eryn: …whether I was smart enough…
Elisa: Mm-hmm.
Eryn: …successful enough, all of these different metrics that we place values in and
then have another person validate or invalidate. Does that make sense?
Elisa: I’ve got a friend who just lost her husband in a different way…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: He died…
Eryn: Mm.
Elisa: …after twenty-five years of marriage. And she’s in her late 40s, and he was in his
late 40s. And it was a long illness, a couple of years, very painful. They have a passel of
kids…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …all ages, needing a lot. And it’s only been, you know, a half to three-quarters of
a year. And in watching her – she’s not looking for another husband…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …You know she isn’t. She is wrestling with the …um… amputation…
godhearsher.org
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …of partnership.
Eryn: Yes.
Elisa: …and of soulmate…
Eryn: Yes.
Elisa: And she will, I’m sure, move to the place where she asks the question: Is there
somebody else for me? And I’m not there, and I want to own that, you know. I have
been married forty years. And it’s a good marriage. It’s a strong marriage. And I’m sure
one of us will be left on the planet alone at some point.
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: But when you are single, whether always single or newly single or – whatever –
stunningly single . . .
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: … There is so much work to be done because our identities have been formed…
Eryn: Yeah.
godhearsher.org
Elisa: …in relationship to others.
Eryn: Yes.
Elisa: When we’re born, we’re…we live in relationship to our parents and our siblings.
We separate. We live in relationship to our friends. We might
marry. We live in
relationship to a spouse. Or we work, and we live in relationship with coworkers. If we
have children, inside or outside of marriage, we live in relationship with our children,
maybe our grandchildren. Relationships define so much around us.
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: And so to come to a place where it’s just you…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …whether by choice or by accident or by always – okay – it does bubble up
these issues of void, of identity…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …of Who am I now?
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: And…and I think what maybe I’m hearing you say, Eryn, is that it’s our nature to
then go immediately to: Does God have somebody for me?
godhearsher.org
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …And will that fix this void? Or how will that change this void?
Eryn: Right.
Elisa: …Or how will that shape this void?
Eryn: Yeah. I mean what do you think?
Elisa: Does God have somebody for us?
Eryn: Do you think God has somebody for us?
[Music]
Eryn: And when we come back, we will hear Elisa’s answer to the question: Does God
have somebody for me? That’s coming up on God Hears Her
.
[Music goes into ad to subscribe to the God Hears Her
podcast.]
Elisa: Hey friends! If you’re enjoying today’s episode, go ahead and hit that
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So hit “Subscribe” right now, and remember that God sees you, He hears you, and He
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[Music]
Elisa: Welcome back to God Hears Her
.
I’m Elisa Morgan.
Eryn: And I’m Eryn Eddy. And in just a moment, we will hear Elisa’s answer to the
question: Does God have somebody for me? But before we go there, just a quick
reminder that if you miss anything in today’s show, the show notes are available in the
podcast description or on our website at Godhearsher.org.
Elisa: There you’ll also find links to verses mentioned, as well as a link to a free
resource titled What Does the Bible Teach About Divorce and Remarriage.
This
eBooklet helps bring clarity to what the Bible says about divorce, and it offers a way
forward for anyone dealing with a broken marriage. That eBooklet is yours for free. Just
click on the link in the podcast description, or on our website at Godhearsher.org.
That’s Godhearsher.dot.O.R.G.
Eryn: Now back to the show. Here is Elisa as she answers the question: Do you think
God has somebody for us? This is God Hears Her
.
Elisa: I think God has a lot of people for us. [Laughing]
Eryn: Yes, I love that!
Elisa: I think …um…
Eryn: Yeah.
godhearsher.org
Elisa: …And I’m not talking about multiple marriages and polygamy. I’m talking about
… I think…
Eryn: [giggling]
Elisa: …You know marriage is one thing, and it’s an important thing. And I…I do think
we can be very, very, very happy in marriage. But I also think the reality is that we are
humans, and our relationships that can be fully satisfying can function a little bit like an
island of intimacy.
Eryn: Mm.
Elisa: We drop … and you and I, Eryn, have this relationship when we come together
every so often, and we share great, deep, mutual discoveries of God and Jesus and
the Holy Spirit and Scripture and da-da-da-da. We go away to other relationships…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …And you with your friend Toni, and…and me with maybe Evan or whatever.
And we discover great…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …investments again. And then we may go to other papel… and maybe me with
my kids, you know. So I think marriage is one way in which God will meet our desire
and our built-in need for connection…
godhearsher.org
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …But I think there are other ways He can do it too.
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: So …um… When you say “Does God have somebody for me?” I think of some
goofy soap operas that talk about “Are you my person?” You know and…
Eryn: Right. [Laughing]
Elisa: …And, yeah, I’ve been a lot of people’s “person.” And a lot …
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: … of people have been my “person.”
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …But I am married to one…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …who is a different kind of person.
godhearsher.org
Eryn: Do you think that … I mean I found myself seeking people to complete me,
instead of seeking the only One that can.
Elisa: Now you’re onto something! You know that there’s …um… a God-shaped hole –
vacuum – within us that is a yearning for connection, that He created us to need Him.
And it really is something that He alone can provide. And so that’s a really happy little
Bible-study answer, you know?
Eryn: Mm.
Elisa: How do we… How have you made that real in your life? I know I’ve been in
seasons like that. I remember when I was … had been in a six-year relationship, and
we broke up. And I was real young, like – I don’t know – maybe 20 or 21. And I moved
off to go to graduate school. And I just was like Who am I now?
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: I mean everything … The turf underneath me had…had just started to shift…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: And this goofy thing … I think I’ve told you this story before about … I was
making my bed one morning, getting ready to go to class. And I just had this thought in
my head: Separate thyself unto Me.
I thought it was really archaic language…
Eryn: Yeah.
godhearsher.org
Elisa: …And I had this image of a horse with blinders, like in Victorian years. And I
thought: I’m supposed to not be with anybody. I’m supposed to just kinda focus on
God right now…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …and let it go. And, sure enough, I prayed, and I spent some time journaling,
and a couple of months clarifying in Scripture. And that’s what, I think, God wanted,
was for me to satisfy myself with Him.
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: I did eventually meet and marry my husband, but that season was really
formative …
Eryn: Mm.
Elisa: …for me.
Eryn: Well, you shared in …um… I think it’s like Episode Two, you talked about the
blinders. I remember you talking about that story of making your bed and God
speaking that. And then you were like I’m gonna have blinders on for a while and just
take a break from dating men.
Elisa: Mm. Mm-hmm.
Eryn: That’s exactly the season of life that I’m in…
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Elisa: And I think, Eryn, …eh… you know that didn’t fix me, if you…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …if you know what I mean. I want to…
Eryn: Right.
Elisa: …be clear about that. It was a period of time…
Eryn: It was necessary.
Elisa: …forty years ago. It didn’t fill…I’m not all the way filled up with God, and then I
go meet my husband…
Eryn: Right.
Elisa: …That’s not the way it works.
Eryn: No.
Elisa: Within my marriage, God has called me…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …to Himself…
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Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …in a different way.
Eryn: Mm.
Elisa: Within it: Elisa, come be with Me, and let Me love you.
And I think the point, Eryn
– and I want to hear what you have to say about this – but I think the point is that, until
we let God love us…
Eryn: Mm-hmm.
Elisa: …we can’t really love ourselves. And until we really can love ourselves, we can’t
really…
Eryn: Right.
Elisa: …love another.
Eryn: That’s right.
Elisa: So I’m getting things all out of order. You’re not married right now. You’re
learning this lesson. I’m beginning to understand these things, too, within a…a
marriage. So, you know, does God have somebody for me? He has Himself for us …
Eryn: Yeah.
godhearsher.org
Elisa: …through all the somebodies …
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: … we might be trying to figure out if they’re a fit. And I think that’s what you’re
saying maybe. Is…
Eryn: It’s exactly…
Elisa: …is that it?
Eryn: Yeah. Absolutely. That’s exactly what I’m saying. There’s a song. It’s called
“Pieces.” And I just … To learn about how God loves me, this song, “Pieces,” says:
“Unreserved. Unrestrained. Your love is wild for me. It isn’t shy. It’s unashamed. Your
love is proud to be seen with me.”
Elisa: Mm.
Eryn: … “Cause You don’t give Your heart in pieces. And You don’t hide Yourself to
tease us. Uncontained. Your love is a fire. It’s burning bright for me. It’s not a spark. It’s
not a flame. Your love is a light.” The biggest thing in this song: “You don’t give Your
heart in pieces.”
Elisa: Mm-hmm. He’s pretty all-or-nothing. We can have as much as we want, or as
little as we run from.
godhearsher.org
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: But He is here to provide an all-ness.
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: He’s here to complete us. And, you know, that’s a lifelong journey of allowing
that…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …of discovering what the voids are in our hearts and inviting Him to complete
them in us.
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: You know, so does God have somebody for us? [loud sigh] He has Himself for
us. And, yes, He will invite us into relationships.
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …Is there one specific person? I…I don’t think so. I think there are…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …a lot of people that will work, you know. And once you find them, you’ve got
real-life mess with real-life humans that requires work, you know, to get through…
godhearsher.org
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …But, you know, I think the woo is to be completed by God. The…the woo is to
be in relationship with Him, and then to be ready…
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …for whatever else He might provide as He continues to fill us and…and heal us
and remake us in His image. So you’re not looking for somebody right now?
Eryn: No.
Elisa: What are you looking for?
Eryn: You know I’m looking to just continue to grow in my relationship and my curiosity
about what it means to have a relationship with God, and to be a really good friend and
a really good daughter…
Elisa: Mm-hmm.
Eryn: …Like, well, for instance, my friend Toni. Her and I, we get dressed up, we get
dolled up, and we’ll go out to dinner and we’ll treat ourselves. Or we’ll celebrate
something or, you know, like those are fun times to just be able to be girly and to enjoy
treating yourself to a nice dinner and having a conversations. And …um… I’ve noticed
I’ve been able to like be present for friends more than I ever could right now, because
I…I can. I have the time.
godhearsher.org
Elisa: Mm-hmm.
Eryn: … This is the time that I get to be present for people.
Elisa: That’s good.
Eryn: …um… I get to show up and help them pack up their house. I get to show up for
a girlfriend that’s going through a heartbreak that’s fresh and new into it. I…I have that
time. And I think sometimes we skip this time by looking in the future…
Elisa: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Eryn: …instead of enjoying it. And can that be enough? I think it can, cause I’ve…
Right now I’m enjoying it. Now ask me in ten years, and I might be jaded…
Elisa: Yeah. [Laughing]
Eryn: …But right now I think that it can. And…and I’ll say, though, you know, I was in a
relationship with somebody for a long time. And I felt lonely.
Elisa: Mmmm. I think a lot of people are like that.
Eryn: And so I think it’s…it’s enjoying the present and seeing it as something sacred
right now.
godhearsher.org
Elisa: There’s a way in which – just to turn this a tiny bit – you know we keep asking
the question: Does God have somebody for me? And we’ve said, you know, He
wants
to be that Somebody who really is our core. And from that relationship He completes
us, and we have something to give. But, you know, maybe another way to … to kinda
turn this for application is to think: Does God have somebody for me?
Well, wait, can I
be somebody for God?
Eryn: Mmm. Hm.
Elisa: You know, does He… could He use me
as “somebody” in somebody else’s life
who …
Eryn: Yes.
Elisa: …needs somebody? Can I be Jesus with skin on? Can I be invested in such a
way in other people that they understand …
Eryn: Yeah.
Elisa: …how He can also complete them?
[Music]
Eryn: Listening back to that last line reminds me of our episode with Margaret
Feinberg, “Taste and See,” where she said: “Sometimes you have to be the community
you want to find.” I think you’re right, Elisa. We often get so focused on our own needs
we forget we can be the ones to provide for that same need in someone else.
godhearsher.org
Elisa: Mm. And we have to be careful about that, you know. …um… not to develop a
kind of a “savior complex” or neglect ourselves as we try to provide for others. But, at
the same time, we have so much capacity – more capacity than we realize – to be the
hands and feet of Jesus. And that can be especially important for those who are alone.
Eryn: If you’re listening today and forgot a point you wanted to remember, or if you
missed anything during the show, the show notes are available in the podcast
description. There you’ll find the talking points of today’s episode and also some
helpful links. We have a link to the new God Sees Her
devotional. We also have a link
to the free eBooklet titled What Does the Bible Say About Divorce and Remarriage.
All
of this and more is available in the show notes, which can be found in the podcast
description or on our website godhearsher.org. That’s godhearsher.org.
Elisa: And while you’re online, could you take a few minutes just to rate us and write a
review of this podcast on whatever podcast platform on which you listen? Ratings and
reviews – they just help us reach more women with the message that “God hears her.”
So if you like the show or enjoyed this episode, please take just a moment to give us
some stars and write a sentence or two about what this show means to you.
Eryn: Thank you so much for joining us today. And don’t forget: God sees you. He
hears you. He loves you because you are His.
[pause]
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Eryn: It takes a team to create a podcast, and today we want to thank Diana, Mary,
and Bill for all your help in creating and sharing the God Hears Her
podcast. You guys
are awesome!
godhearsher.org
